I haven’t written about today, and there’s been these reasons for it. Self-censorship and I don’t want to be more annoying than I am. There’s too much things I take personally and at the same time I assume — there’s no basis for this — that others do it too and that I disappoint them. I think there’s small amount of paranoia too that springs from abandonment issues, not much really but it’s there (and I don’t want it to but some things are hard to get rid of).

There’s this line in this song, one of many, “I will think of all the ways next time I will try not to let you down / I thought that I’d live long enough / that the light would come shining through” and it feels true you know? Despite that it’s not. First off, I’m not that sure what I’m doing can be called living. And deep down in my mind I’m not sure I do let people down except when I occasionally fuck up. It happens just not as often as I imagine. 

Don’t This Look Like The Dark? It does, but that’s not the whole world. A flash-light would be nice though.