I don’t even feel like eating a cookie.

Been living in a post-cookies world for a bit over an hour now. It’s just as I imagined it: bleak and horrible.

Occasionally I write emails. Today I wrote one with the subject “on cookies,” because I like that form of titles. This email contained this sentence: “Not the best cookies I’ve eaten, still good though. Got a new favourite emergency cookie!” I share this with you too because… well, it’s important. They’re big, cheap and look home-made even though they’re not. Chocolate chip of course. Cookies need chocolate.

You know what? Just noticed something even worse than that. With whatever’s up there secreting in the nasal cavities, there is no real way to breathe while eating cookies. A small bite, chew, swallow and then mouth-breathe for air. Heavy breaths. Larger chunks of cookies mean more panic. What? Simply not eat the cookies? Don’t. Be. Stupid.

Learn from my mistakes. don’t go to the right in the intersection with the man screaming “Iä! Iä!” It’s just not worth it.

Announcement! BIG! The upcoming hour is THE INTERNATIONAL EAT COOKIES HOUR. So, eat cookies together and bond with the crunches. For peace etc.

Let’s do this!

Late night cookie cupboard pillage is imminent. You have no right to judge me! It’s a few hours (very few) until dawn so it’s still night, the same night. It’s okay then.

Addendum: one of the cookies — you can’t just have one, that’s stupid — fell to the floor. It made it but I was worried a for a second.

Cookie Snob Club

dooeypig:

nicklas replied to your post: Some Belated Tumblr Crush Observations

 

↓↙←↖↑↗AAB↺. It might look like a Street Fighter move (if unicode works here) but it is a TOPEST SECRIT HANDSHAKE.

And ↺BAA↗↑↖←↙↓ in reverse right back at you, Good Sir. Fist bump, and all that jazz. I trust you made sure you weren’t being followed before you came to this Super Secret Cookie Snob Meeting? Otherwise the club will have to demote you to Starbucks Biscotti status. First matter of business: I think our cookie club key fob should be an actual cookie. (Have we already settled this matter of business? It’s got a Deja Vu feeling about it. Or is that the Alzheimer’s?) As I’ve already alluded, I’m no math major, but I feel confident it’d at least cut shopping time in half.

I don’t think we’ve talked about that. Granted, could be Alzheimer’s but I really hope not! That would make the meetings a tad awkward with accusations of not brining cookies when they’ve in fact been eaten.

I’m all for stuff being made from real cookies. In this matter though, could it be some sort of transparent plastic case with a cookie inside? I’m thinking in case one does what one does with keys and put them in the pocket. Who knows what horrors has been in the pockets before that?!

There should be a lock on it though. Club Key cookies should only be eaten with other members. Perhaps some sort of device that only allows it to open when there’s another one within a certain distance. Complete with a beep or such. That way, club meetings don’t have to take place at the same building! Much harder to infiltrate and steal the recipes and alert the authorities of the cookie conquering schemes, plans or plots.

No cookies is a dead give-away that it’s fiction.