I hear the rain fall and I can smell the way the wind mixes with the tea. It’s a good sound and it’s a good smell. The tea has a tinge of cocoa and it is sadly more apparent in the smell than taste. I refrain from squirting chocolate sauce in it — a cup of tea should never ever be treated as ice cream. Even if, and I say this emphatically, even if they occasionally fall into the same comfort zone.

Feeling the warmth as I hold the cup wrong with a steady two-hand grip. Right now, everything is okay. Just right now. I know it will cease to be soon, and there’s nothing I can do about it except to refuse let it define and break me down. Easier said than tried. The unhappy has been here for so long it’s a part of me, an useless appendix.

But for now it’s not here. Even smiled a bit earlier. Tired to touch people but that only works when they’re close and not… elsewhere. And some are not known enough for it to work anyway, the mental blocks keep both external pain and comfort away. It’s a really crappy trade-off. Especially since I’m more or less convinced that comfort is more scary than pain. I can handle pain!

But this tea. Damn I wish it had more chocolate flavor.