The eyelid, the one on the left, is heavier than normal. Not from lack of sleep, no, this is sabotage. Sabotaged by orders from the big cheese: Springtime Allergies.

For a while I thought I’d hit upon the big Gouda and that all allergies where on the decline, but that turned out to be wrong. So in my lonesome, I opened a bottle of Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout. The thought was that if my eye gets swollen and teary, the other senses should work to make up for the loss. Hence good things to drink — later I plan to hit my leg into stuff and smell the garbage cans while I listen to the Old 97’s.

Help me fight this symbolically by eating lots of cheese. Together we’re bigger and better than these hoodlum tyrolean grey cheese’s.