I can’t lie and say that today has been good. I’ve been trying to ignore and keep busy but it doesn’t work. The twine ball of anxiety in the stomach spins faster and faster as well as get more and more tangled. I would love to be free of it but I’m not. It makes me want to scream, cry, cut away pieces (which I don’t, so don’t worry. I can’t stand to see my own blood and the medication keeps the rationality function on), or just give up and somewhere while I wither.

Very little makes sense today but nothing has changed since yesterday or the weeks before that. Still doesn’t make sense. Everything goes down. All the things I do, the mind asks why I keep struggling, trying to improve or… Yeah, fuck, even bother to reach out. The only answer I have is “what else can I do?” and that do seem sufficient. For the negative voices that is, I’m not so sure it’s sufficient for me. Not so sure at all.