Notions of starting over have crossed my mind, but I can’t do that. Don’t want to lose touch with those that I’ve found here, a few that left already form holes that can’t be reached. Don’t want to be one of those.
But even so, though I like this platform, I’m slowly losing faith. See, I like the exchange, the two-way communication. Among strangers I’m always the most quiet, but I listen as I like people. In a room with strangers, this is how it starts to feel now. There are a few I know, a few I really like, but mostly there’s the gaze of people on me, silent masses of blank faces. Part of this is my fault, I get that. I haven’t been as present as I should. I’ve tried at times but after so much silence it… it bugs me. Something, I have to do something because right now I’m disillusioned by the whole thing.
I don’t know. I miss my friends — those I’ve met and those I’ve only exchanged words with, it’s all the same. Over 900 followers here and yet the social aspects have never made me feel as isolated as it does right now. All I know is that this isn’t what it should be or what I want.