It’s the ambivalence that kills me. I don’t think I’ve even been as good at drawing as I am now, the progress is there and not even I can ignore it. But at the same time I have this feeling of it not being enough. Not in the sense of “I need to get better!” but in the other, worse way. What if this is my peak? Perhaps I should just quit — a stupid thought, I have no idea how to not draw.

But it’s not enough. It’s not enough and it’s the one thing I can hold on to so where does that leave me? Have no clue or bearing or anything. I don’t know.