Even though the medications even things out and up from the the gutter, it’s not really enough*. I still got problems with doing things, most often the phase at the beginning, the one called “starting”. But I know I have to dig myself out of it.

Drawing. Haven’t done that much lately even though I’m in some kind of creative state: lyrics and soundscapes bleed out of me. But when I touch a pen, that feeling of doing something with it comes but not anything else. No images in the head, no subconscious doodling. It bothers me. Is the pen linked to feeling worse? I hope that it’s linked to the brain being busy with other stuff but I’m still a bit worried.

_{* For those who know nothing about this sort of things in real life: anti-depressants doesn’t make you happy. Most often it just blocks access to the lower parts of the mood. Sort of like a gate at the stairs so that children won’t fall down.}